After what has probably been way too long, I feel like I finally understand. It's now that can see clearly how all those pieces are supposed to fit together: academia, extra-curriculars, socializing (the ordination of that list really shows me priorities don't they). And this conclusion comes after only ... let's see ... seven years, in my last 3 months of school no less. Ah, the things I would do differently if I could restart. I'm finally ready for university, after all!
I talk to people many years my junior and very often I just feel completely afunctional in comparison, a truly strange and completely disconcerting feeling. I always was a bit of a late bloomer though. It just doesn't feel like I'm all here a lot of the time, so maybe certain things just take longer to settle in that others. I don't really know though, maybe I will after another decade or so.
Very frequently, I still wander the streets aimlessly, desperately trying to find ... something ... to hold onto I guess. Prone to wander, sounds about right. I guess the method that I employ just isn't very efficient or direct. I just kind of drift around, amassing fragments all the while, and just seeing if they stick. A very haphazard means that I might regret utilizing later on. But, for now and for most of my life thus far, it feels the most natural.
Well, anyway, rambled a bit there at the end. I don't know. These are just words after all. They don't generally mean much to me nowadays ... just the same tired combinations recycled over and over again to describe the same prevailing emotions that flow through my veins everyday of this vapid ephemerality.
So, whatever, "Lost and found", but probably the opposite would be more true. Hahahaha.
(fuck you)
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